Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
