Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
