Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
