Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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