it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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