Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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