I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
