I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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