One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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