she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
