You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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