My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
