No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
