My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
foreskin is a definite game changer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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