Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize