just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
