Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
actually, I'm a sock model
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
