also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
