god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
