Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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