but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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