weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
