i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize