Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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