wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
