I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
