hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
