I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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