The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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