If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
