Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
