IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
