he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
