I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
