Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
