I've blown a few things in my day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
