ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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