would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
