yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
