You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize