Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
