I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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