four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
