the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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