Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are we still banned from the library?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
