i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize