I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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