all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize