please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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