so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
