Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
