I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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