I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
