gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
