Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
