Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
