You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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