No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
