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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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