I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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