This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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