before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
