so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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