Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you would pick up someone in the library
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
