Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
