I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
