rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
