We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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