an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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