Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
