around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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